More SCA Skippy's list
Apr. 18th, 2007 10:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kengr(additions from various posts on the Antir mailing list separations marked between posts)
- When finding oneself in a "boat battle" do not volunteer to be the "anchor"
- When playing Predator and Prey, sitting on your captor is an unacceptable negotiation technique
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to use any combination of "mass weapon" to refer to penis size in pick-up lines.
- Especially not to anyone in a pointy hat
- Or women
- Or within a hundred mile radius of a tavern
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to scale castle walls
- Especially if they are between three and five feet high
- Especially if it would capsize the castle
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to "spike" the water-barer's water or kool aid
- Not even if it was his knight's idea
- Especially if it was his knight's idea
- It is not acceptable to invent a country to situate a persona
- Even with supporting documentation
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to pretend to be a left-handed fighter, purely so he can use the line, "But there's something you should know/ I am not left-handed!"
- Especially in rapier
- Extra especially in combat archery
- It is unchilvaric, when watching a parachute tent blow loose and run someone down to call, "light!"
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to turn gate into a Toblaro household
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to sign up for Ithra, purely to meet women.
- Squire Skippy must not tamper with the Chirugonate's supplies
- Especially to fake war wounds
Squire Skippy is only allowed to burn in his firepit what his SCA mom says its ok to burn
- gasoline is out
- ditto napalm even if you have some handy
- diitto the autocrat/constab
- adding white gas after the fire is going to see how high the fireball can go is a bad idea
Trying to pick up a drink off the ground while sitting in a norse chair is a bad idea
- especially if you have a wench on your lap
Squire Skippy must look before freaking out at the lady who runs her cold hands down his neck from behind
- especially if its not his Lady Wife
- double especially if its the Queen
Attempting to catch a fly-away Costco Garage is a bad idea
- ditto any other large escaping tent
Trying to imitate Xena with 160+proof moonshine using a fire pit is not a good idea.
even if your knight/spouse/peer cheers you on
ESPECIALLY if your knight/spouse/peer cheers you on
Squire Skippy is not allowed to start fires for his camp mates using a road flare and a pint of break fluid...
- even if it's the only way to get wet wood to burn
- *especially* if the red glow can be seen all the way to the nearest small craft airport...
Squire Skippy is not allowed to use an indiscriminate amount of black powder during the 'start a period fire' portion of his Sergeant's exam...
- even if he says ' Black powder is period'
- especially if he hasn't grown his eyebrows back from his first attempt.
Squire Skippy is not allowed to duct tape his cup in place inside his
underwear because he forgot his jock strap at home.
Squire Skippy is not allowed to leave a lit candle in his pavilion or tent at night.
- even if he likes the glow it gives off
- even if the candle is protected via glass shade
- *especially* not if there is a can of bug spray next to the candle
- *especially* not if the box/table is next to the wall of his pavilion
Squire Skippy is never allowed to approach any King and announce, "I wanna be your Huckleberry!"
- even if he's drunk
- especially if his knight suggests it
Squire Skippy must always use the biffy to relieve himself
- even if very drunk
- even at a heavily wooded site
- especially at a Coronation event
Squire Skippy should remember that the way to help a lady across the muddy area is NOT to sling her over your shoulder and run full out shouting "On to Dunkirk!!"
Squire Skippy should also realize that while helping a stranded motorist is chivalrous - attempting to heave a whole Toyota out of the mud by oneself is foolish. And painful. In several areas of the body.
Squire Skippy should remember that Keg Tossing has much the same effect on ones body as the Toyota did.
Squire Skippy should not play his armpit when any group of musicians is performing.
Or demonstrate his ability as a woodwind.
Lady Skippy shall not roar through the camp late at night chasing Sir Megaduke and screaming Take me now oh Alpha Male of the realm!
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to volunteer for morning wake-up call. Ever again.
- Especially not on bagpipes.
- At six in the morning.
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to approach Baroness Anne of Blatha an Oir as she is walking her dogs with a package of hot dog buns and ask "So when's dinner?"
- Squire Skippy is to keep his mouth shut on the archery range while a speed round is in progress.
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to put up pictures of cute little kittens and puppies on the archery targets. Even if he is allergic.
Skippy will remember that tents are NOT soundproof.
Skippy will remember that the romantic candle may show people things about Skippy that he'd rather not have them know.
(Corollary: Skippy's amo di note' may not want them knowing it either)
Skippy will also not charge $1 per head for leading and narrating the "Shadow Porn Tour" of (fill in event here).
I have three words: Baronial Fund Raiser.
Baronial Fund Raiser indeed. AND as an added bonus, for only (fill in what it's worth to you), we won't show photos at the next A&S meeting. The Barony rolling in money. And writhing with embarrassment.
Lady Skippy will not sell strokes with a flogger. Even if it is suede.
Especially if the floggee is topless. Even if she is the floggee.
Especially if it is a Kingdom Fundraiser .........
Lord Skippy WILL, on the way home from *this* event, replace the collapsible water containers that proved, at the *last* event, to ALL have holes in the bottoms.
Skippy must supply a gag or pillow to keep his overly noisy female visitor reasonably quiet whilst making kama sutra pictures without candles.
Cerridwen.....who can't stop snickering whilst trying to explain to her children that skippy doesn't need to be taken out back and beaten for hurting his night guest.
Skippy is not allowed to dress up like a water bearer at the war, approach the command staff of the opposite side, hug them, set off paintball grenades and shout 'Suicide bomber!'
Skippy is not allowed to substitute whisky for water, even if it IS single malt.
Especially if it is single malt.
Squire Skippy shall remember that a can opener does not serve as a legal weapon against knights in full plate.
Squire Skippy will remember that a maille bikini is not legal armour
- Even if he thinks his lady looks "hot" in it
Squire Skippy will remember that "kitten armour" is also not legal
- Especially if his knight put him up to trying it.
Squire Skippy should take his lady's word that she is a cheap drunk and not accept it as a challenge.
- When finding oneself in a "boat battle" do not volunteer to be the "anchor"
- When playing Predator and Prey, sitting on your captor is an unacceptable negotiation technique
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to use any combination of "mass weapon" to refer to penis size in pick-up lines.
- Especially not to anyone in a pointy hat
- Or women
- Or within a hundred mile radius of a tavern
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to scale castle walls
- Especially if they are between three and five feet high
- Especially if it would capsize the castle
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to "spike" the water-barer's water or kool aid
- Not even if it was his knight's idea
- Especially if it was his knight's idea
- It is not acceptable to invent a country to situate a persona
- Even with supporting documentation
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to pretend to be a left-handed fighter, purely so he can use the line, "But there's something you should know/ I am not left-handed!"
- Especially in rapier
- Extra especially in combat archery
- It is unchilvaric, when watching a parachute tent blow loose and run someone down to call, "light!"
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to turn gate into a Toblaro household
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to sign up for Ithra, purely to meet women.
- Squire Skippy must not tamper with the Chirugonate's supplies
- Especially to fake war wounds
Squire Skippy is only allowed to burn in his firepit what his SCA mom says its ok to burn
- gasoline is out
- ditto napalm even if you have some handy
- diitto the autocrat/constab
- adding white gas after the fire is going to see how high the fireball can go is a bad idea
Trying to pick up a drink off the ground while sitting in a norse chair is a bad idea
- especially if you have a wench on your lap
Squire Skippy must look before freaking out at the lady who runs her cold hands down his neck from behind
- especially if its not his Lady Wife
- double especially if its the Queen
Attempting to catch a fly-away Costco Garage is a bad idea
- ditto any other large escaping tent
Trying to imitate Xena with 160+proof moonshine using a fire pit is not a good idea.
even if your knight/spouse/peer cheers you on
ESPECIALLY if your knight/spouse/peer cheers you on
Squire Skippy is not allowed to start fires for his camp mates using a road flare and a pint of break fluid...
- even if it's the only way to get wet wood to burn
- *especially* if the red glow can be seen all the way to the nearest small craft airport...
Squire Skippy is not allowed to use an indiscriminate amount of black powder during the 'start a period fire' portion of his Sergeant's exam...
- even if he says ' Black powder is period'
- especially if he hasn't grown his eyebrows back from his first attempt.
Squire Skippy is not allowed to duct tape his cup in place inside his
underwear because he forgot his jock strap at home.
Squire Skippy is not allowed to leave a lit candle in his pavilion or tent at night.
- even if he likes the glow it gives off
- even if the candle is protected via glass shade
- *especially* not if there is a can of bug spray next to the candle
- *especially* not if the box/table is next to the wall of his pavilion
Squire Skippy is never allowed to approach any King and announce, "I wanna be your Huckleberry!"
- even if he's drunk
- especially if his knight suggests it
Squire Skippy must always use the biffy to relieve himself
- even if very drunk
- even at a heavily wooded site
- especially at a Coronation event
Squire Skippy should remember that the way to help a lady across the muddy area is NOT to sling her over your shoulder and run full out shouting "On to Dunkirk!!"
Squire Skippy should also realize that while helping a stranded motorist is chivalrous - attempting to heave a whole Toyota out of the mud by oneself is foolish. And painful. In several areas of the body.
Squire Skippy should remember that Keg Tossing has much the same effect on ones body as the Toyota did.
Squire Skippy should not play his armpit when any group of musicians is performing.
Or demonstrate his ability as a woodwind.
Lady Skippy shall not roar through the camp late at night chasing Sir Megaduke and screaming Take me now oh Alpha Male of the realm!
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to volunteer for morning wake-up call. Ever again.
- Especially not on bagpipes.
- At six in the morning.
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to approach Baroness Anne of Blatha an Oir as she is walking her dogs with a package of hot dog buns and ask "So when's dinner?"
- Squire Skippy is to keep his mouth shut on the archery range while a speed round is in progress.
- Squire Skippy is not allowed to put up pictures of cute little kittens and puppies on the archery targets. Even if he is allergic.
Skippy will remember that tents are NOT soundproof.
Skippy will remember that the romantic candle may show people things about Skippy that he'd rather not have them know.
(Corollary: Skippy's amo di note' may not want them knowing it either)
Skippy will also not charge $1 per head for leading and narrating the "Shadow Porn Tour" of (fill in event here).
I have three words: Baronial Fund Raiser.
Baronial Fund Raiser indeed. AND as an added bonus, for only (fill in what it's worth to you), we won't show photos at the next A&S meeting. The Barony rolling in money. And writhing with embarrassment.
Lady Skippy will not sell strokes with a flogger. Even if it is suede.
Especially if the floggee is topless. Even if she is the floggee.
Especially if it is a Kingdom Fundraiser .........
Lord Skippy WILL, on the way home from *this* event, replace the collapsible water containers that proved, at the *last* event, to ALL have holes in the bottoms.
Skippy must supply a gag or pillow to keep his overly noisy female visitor reasonably quiet whilst making kama sutra pictures without candles.
Cerridwen.....who can't stop snickering whilst trying to explain to her children that skippy doesn't need to be taken out back and beaten for hurting his night guest.
Skippy is not allowed to dress up like a water bearer at the war, approach the command staff of the opposite side, hug them, set off paintball grenades and shout 'Suicide bomber!'
Skippy is not allowed to substitute whisky for water, even if it IS single malt.
Especially if it is single malt.
Squire Skippy shall remember that a can opener does not serve as a legal weapon against knights in full plate.
Squire Skippy will remember that a maille bikini is not legal armour
- Even if he thinks his lady looks "hot" in it
Squire Skippy will remember that "kitten armour" is also not legal
- Especially if his knight put him up to trying it.
Squire Skippy should take his lady's word that she is a cheap drunk and not accept it as a challenge.
