kengr

You wear the appropriate underwear for each of your dates.
You can distinguish between at least 20 brands of vodka.
You understand the immense importance of good lighting.
You can be in a crowded bar and spot a toupee 50 yards away.
You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit and MEAN her bathing suit.
You can tell a woman she has lipstick on her teeth without embarrassing her.
No one expects you to kiss and not tell.
You have at least one reproduction of Michaelangelo's David in your home.
You have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home.
You have naked pictures of men you don't know on your computer.
You spend more time than is strictly necessary in men's locker rooms.
You understand why the good Lord created spandex.
You understand that the good Lord did not intend everyone to wear spandex.
You know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, and a cafe au lait. And if you don't, you know how to fake it.
You know how to get back at just about everyone.
Your pets always have great names.
Nobody expects you to change a tire.
You're the only guy who gets to do the "Cosmo" quizzes.
You know how to get a waiter's attention.
You own Speedos in more than three colors.
You can recite who was gay since the dawn of history.
You are, hands down, your nephews' and nieces' favorite uncle.
Within five seconds, you can identify any disco diva.
You can tell your sexual compatibility with a potential partner by the way he holds his drink.
You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.
You wouldn't be caught dead in Hooters.
You can freeze an approaching bar troll twenty feet away.
You can name every film ever made with male frontal nudity.
You've always got an opinion, and don't mind sharing it.
You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
You know how to "air kiss".
You know exactly which cosmetic surgery to consider having... And the perfect excuse to give people who ask where you've been for the last two weeks.
You know how to accessorize.
You know when to move out and move on.
You are the only one at the class reunion who looks better than you did in high school.
You have at least one framed picture of a pet.
You understand that being called a "cheap slut" isn't necessarily an insult.
You wouldn't buy someone a mug for their birthday.
You know which wine to bring.
Sales clerks don't mess with you.
You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade.
You've just about defeated the accent you were born with.
You know the way to a man's heart is not necessarily through his stomach.
You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
You have hankies in colors not occurring in nature. And know what they mean.
You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
You have the latest International Male catalog.
You wouldn't dream of dressing out of the latest International Male catalog.
You wear combat boots that have never touched dirt.
You have motorcycle chaps yet have never owned a motorcycle.
The term "Fleet Week" does not bring to mind "airshow".
You can distinguish between "family" and "relatives".
You've chosen an alternate spelling of an otherwise ordinary first name.
Shopping at Home Depot might involve picking up something. But not necessarily buying anything.
You have a tanline so perfect, it looks painted on.
You have a diverter valve on your showerhead.
You spend more time at the gym than watching TV.
You aren't at all confused by a sentence like, "She got her dick caught in her zipper."
You actually spend the time reading silly lists like this.