Miscommunication
Jul. 24th, 2006 05:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kengrPopular belief has it that miscommunication is almost always due to failure of one party to express themselves clearly.
In my experience, quite often it is due to the person receiving the communication reading things into it that are not there.
In a way, this is to be expected, as we can only interpret words in terms of our experience and expectations.
The real problem comes when we fail to ask "Did you really mean to say X" but reply with our [false] certainty that we have correctly interpreted things. And that they are not as we would desire.
And things are compounded when after the other party reacts in shock to our mistaken interpretation, we become upset with them for being upset at us.
Worst of all when repeated "That is not what I said" or "I specifically that that was not the case" results in the other party repeating the same mistaken interpretation.
Some of this can be due to people imputing motives to the other party. Or assuming that they are deliberately trying to talk around something. Some can be attributed to people having triggers that they react to badly, and anything that looks like an attempt to go into that territory is assumed to in fact be an attempt to push that button.
Often, it can go on on both sides of an interchange.
Alas, nothing short of a disinterested third party willing and able to force both parties to listen to each other's statement of "when I said that I intended this" or even the "moderator's" statements of. "I'm sorry but that word does not mean that, regardless of the fact that you are used to people misusing it that way" will deal with many such situations.
In my experience, quite often it is due to the person receiving the communication reading things into it that are not there.
In a way, this is to be expected, as we can only interpret words in terms of our experience and expectations.
The real problem comes when we fail to ask "Did you really mean to say X" but reply with our [false] certainty that we have correctly interpreted things. And that they are not as we would desire.
And things are compounded when after the other party reacts in shock to our mistaken interpretation, we become upset with them for being upset at us.
Worst of all when repeated "That is not what I said" or "I specifically that that was not the case" results in the other party repeating the same mistaken interpretation.
Some of this can be due to people imputing motives to the other party. Or assuming that they are deliberately trying to talk around something. Some can be attributed to people having triggers that they react to badly, and anything that looks like an attempt to go into that territory is assumed to in fact be an attempt to push that button.
Often, it can go on on both sides of an interchange.
Alas, nothing short of a disinterested third party willing and able to force both parties to listen to each other's statement of "when I said that I intended this" or even the "moderator's" statements of. "I'm sorry but that word does not mean that, regardless of the fact that you are used to people misusing it that way" will deal with many such situations.
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no subject
Date: 2006-07-24 01:50 pm (UTC)Yeah, I hear you.