Top Ten Halachic Questions for a Jewish Pirate

ganked from weirdfolks

10. If you have a hook instead of a hand, which arm do you put teffillin on?

9. Does your treasure map show how far the eruv extends?

8. How long do you wait till after capturing a ship to put up a mezzuzah in the cabin?

7. If Kalhua doesn't have a hashgacha, what rum do you make kiddush on?

6. Is owning a parrot assur cause it may cause you to speak loshon hora?

5. Do you take maaser on an unlocked treasure chest? worse, what if there is chas vshalom, chometz in there!?

4. Do you cover your eye patch with your hand when you say Shema?

3. Are you able to carry on the plank on shabbos? If your parrot is on your shoulder, is that carrying?

2. Is your pirate hat a zachor l'hamentashen? Can you wear a leather boot on your peg leg on Yom Kippur?

1. You have a wild beard, drink a lot, and always say "Ay-yay": let's face it: aren't all pirates just Chassidim?

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I've been using Smart FTP but I just discovered that the last time it "suggested" I upgrade to a newer build, it had changed for "free for home use" to expireware.

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If they'd just quit providing the free version, I'd have kept using the old version I had. But by tricking me into updating the expireware version, they've crossed a line.