rudeness

[kengr]

Bothering strangers is not wise

Unlike so many others, I'm *not* surprised that a 10-year-old would do this.

There are far too many *adults* who seem to think they have a perfect right to ask nosy questions of strangers or coworkers.

Just because we work at the same company doesn't mean there's anything non-job-related I care to talk with you about...

Many years back a persistent jerk where I was working kept trying to engage me in conversation. I kept trying to ignore him (too many years of dealing with bullies in school meant that I was *not* going to tell him "Go away, I don't want to talk to you"

He finally resorted to setting the newspaper I was reading on fire.

No. I'm not kidding.

And when he got written up, my supervisor tried to lecture *me* about having let things get out of hand.

What *is* it about overly extroverted people anyway?

And about people who think they have to get to know you better?

I'm sure part of that last is that they are (incorrectly) assuming that you are much like them. And not realizing that *both* of us would be much happier if they *don't* know the details of my life they are asking about.

I'm thinking I need to come up with a "business card" that would explain the facts of life to them in a way that can't be used against me (other than as evidence that I'm "anti-social".

Something like:

I'm not answering your rude, prying and nosy questions for one or more of the following reasons:
1. you have no inherent right to the information. If I wanted you to know, I'd have volunteered the info.
2. The answer would make you uncomfortable.
3. the answer would make me uncomfortable.
4. The answer would reveal that I'm a member of a discriminated against minority that has no legal protections against discrimination.
5. The answer would involve my race, religion, politics, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation or other information that is legally protected under anti-discrimination laws.
6. It's none of your business.

Feel free to suggest other reasons.

Comments

[karisu-sama.livejournal.com]

All you really need is #1 and #6, #6 prefaced by "If you didn't understand #1, here's another way of putting it:"

#4, BTW, outs you immediately, and points out an exploitable vulnerability to the harasser. Not good, IMO.

Ms. Manners, of course, usually recommends an extremely chilly "EXCUSE me?", in a tone indicating that a line has distinctly been crossed. (Of course there are clueless morons out there who still won't get it...)

[kengr]

Actually, I included #4 with malice aforethought. Because if they do try toi pounce on that, you can just point go "Who said that was the reason?"

I have in mind trying to *distribute* these things if we can come up with a good enough one. That means that assuming #4 is valid for the person handing you the card is not going to work.

Ever hear about what happened when the Nazis tried to make the Danish Jews wear yellow stars?

I want variety and redundancy on the list to increase confusion and decrease the ability to target.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Seaners acts better than these children. (Including the one you were working for, and the one that set your newspaper on fire).

[kengr]

Well, for those of us who have problems with grokking "normal social interactions" at some level, unwanted conversations/questions are a *continuing* trial.

Yet it seems to be considered *normal* ask personal questions of coworkers and rude or "not a team player" to not freely discuss your private life with them.

The kid and the jerks are extreme examples, but... they are merely the far end of the curve. :-(

Gee, do you suppose I've got this book (or notebook or whatever) because I *want* to be interruppted?

Going postal is *so* tempting at times. But that'd just inconvenience me even more. <sigh>

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

And then you'd get blood all over everything and guts and that's just a total pain to get out of your clothes. Not to mention jail is so /tedious/.
That's why I take an MP3 player with me whenever I go out. Headphones might make me look rude, but at least I don't have the urge to kill people.
Frequently.
Much.

[kengr]

Oh yeah, maybe we need a variant on T-Shirt 10 here:

http://www.instantattitudes.com/shirts.html

I would quote that noted philosopher G'Kar.

[seawasp]

"You will know pain. And you will know fear. And then you will die! Have a pleasant day."

Re: I would quote that noted philosopher G'Kar.

[kengr]

Believe it or not, I *just* realized that icon of yours is of your namesake. If you aren't paying attention, or unfocus your eyes a bit to get the same effect, it looks like a semi-abtract drawing of a hoodsed man, such as the Emperor in the later Star Wars movies. With a glowing outline.

Re: I would quote that noted philosopher G'Kar.

[seawasp]

I can't see it myself. It's not my preferred photo; I must scan in the good one again and turn it into an icon.

I'm surprised that the bullies taught you NOT to say "Go away". The bullies were the ones who helped me hone my talent to insult and belittle people. If I can't hit you physically, I'll crush you mentally.

Another good response is to glare at the intrusive person and say "Kisama! Omae o korosu!"

Re: I would quote that noted philosopher G'Kar.

[kengr]

When you can't outrun them and can't fight effectively, you learn it's best not to needlessly provoke them.

Another good response is to glare at the intrusive person and say "Kisama! Omae o korosu!"

Babelfish won't even *try* to translate that (I tried both Japanese and Chinese as the "from" languages). So what, pray tell, is that in English?

I'd hate to find out the hard way that it was something like "Kurite moju trubku!" or worse yet "Hou ni ma de bi!" (there may be some accented characters missing from that last one)

Re: I would quote that noted philosopher G'Kar.

[seawasp]

Actually, when you can't outrun them and can't outfight them, you learn to at least make them confused by not knuckling under. They used to beat me up, I'd get up and say the same thing that'd started the whole thing again. This often confused them.

The line I quoted means, roughly, "Bastard. I will kill you."

Re: I would quote that noted philosopher G'Kar.

[kengr]

I take it you don't need the two phrases I "borrowed" translated?