"accidental" rape

[kengr]

This post got me thinking. And while it's appalling I realized something about the way guys are "indoctrinated".

Guys, especially teens *know* that *of course* everyone wants sex. They don't even question it.

A fair number figure that there are reasons why a girl might not want to admit it. They get *that* much* of female cultural conditioning.

But I suspect that the vast majority would find the concept of girls actively not *wanting* to have sex totally incomprehensible. And a lot don't "get it" even after they become "responsible adults.

The simple fact is responsible for vast amounts of suffering.

So, not only do we need to quit teaching that "no means no" (rather teach that "anything but an explicit *yes* means no") but we need to get across to guys that for females sex is a *horribly* risky thing and that they have a lot of very good reasons to not even want to *consider* it.

With that context, teaching them that "consent means an explicit yes" will be a lot easier.

Heck, it might even make the stupidity that is "abstinence only" sex "education" a bit less of a major fail.

Comments

[seawasp]

Years ago, it was assumed that NO woman really wanted sex. So that's rather a change.

[kengr]

That was a *lot* of years ago.

This isn't much of an improvement. Speaking of changes...

http://www.salon.com/2014/08/21/college_dudes_worried_that_movement_to_take_rape_seriously_is_ruining_their_sex_lives/

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[kengr]

Well, as the article points out, they seem to be afraid of "advances" (of various sorts) being taken as predatory behavior. And *that* resulting in charges, which would ruin their rep.

Read all the way thru it for some all too plausible suggestions as to why they are reacting this way.

As I recall, it's something like the ways that they "know" (from "culture" and "media") are seen as way too risky and they don't have a clue about doing things any other way (ie trying to come up with "new" ways is seen as sticking their necks out even farther).

Basically, we've failed younger people (not just the males) by not teaching them right and by not offering them examples of doing it *right*.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[fayanora.livejournal.com]

These things go back and forth. The ancient Greeks thought women were insatiable sex fiends and that no single man could please a woman, so to the men back then, sex with women was a chore; hence the rampant homosexuality and bisexuality. (To the point that one of the Roman Emperors was considered downright WEIRD for being a strict heterosexual.)

I rather suspect that attitude came from the transition from matriarchy to patriarchy. The women in a matriarchy expected their needs to be met, including sexual needs, and so in the transition to a patriarchy such an expectation got "spun" by the men as women being insatiable sex monsters. Hence stories of creatures like mermaids that would fuck a man to death.

[fayanora.livejournal.com]

Consent is not the absence of a No, it is the presence of an enthusiastic Yes.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[kengr]

As far as I know, you are older than me (by around a decade).

I'm pretty sure Ryk is younger than *I* am. And by at least that much.