Insight

[kengr]

While talking with griffen online, I got reminded of something from long ago.

And that set off a train of thought relating abuse and several other things. Parental authority, D/S, various other things.



One of the critical factors in abuse (at least of kids) is that they don't realize that things are different for other kids. Add in a dose of guilt/fear related to leaving and you've got a real mess.

The typical bit with the victim being afraid to leave, either because they don't think anyone will want them (due to the abuser running down their self-esteem) or fear of what the abuser will do if they catch them.

And that got me thinking. The same (or very similar) dynamic exists in other places.

For the first part (limited knowledge):

Parents who don't want their children to know about other "lifestyles" because they are afraid that the kids will "stray" from what said parents think is right.

"Doms" who don't want their subs to talk to other doms or subs. Again, they are afraid of coming up short.

Governments that limited or distorted info about other countries. All examples of the "authority figures" being afraid of their authority going away if those under them learn that things can be different.

Frankly, if what you are doing or how you are living can't survive the knowledge that there's another way, then it's not a very good reflection on *you*. Or on your way of life.

And that brings us to the second aspect of abuse. Making people fear that they are worthless without "the way" or that they'll be punished if they stray from it or try to leave.

Sounds a lot like the *bad* type of dom, and like the bad sort of government as well.

And it sounds *way* too much like several religions that shall remain nameless.

Yet at the same time, we are back to that same bit about it reflecting badly that you have to take such measures.

Consider a *good* D/S relationship. The sub will accept limits and endure things that most people would balk at if not revolt outright. And it's not because he's afraid of punishment. It's because he *loves* the dom, and has accepted the limits *knowing* that he doesn't have to, And doing it anyway because he wants to do it for someone he loves.

Oddly enough, you'll find that some branches of Christianity have essentially that idea buried in their theology. You aren't supposed to obey the rules God has set because you are afraid of being punished. You are to do so because you love God and freely give up your will on these things.

I suspect that some branches of Islam may have similar ideas, since Islam is *explicitly* described as "submission to Allah" in some texts.

Alas, both have sects that go the other way. They find it easier to scare people into obeying. Hellfire and Brimstone preachers, for example. And the folks who will coerce your obedience via making their religious tenets into law.

Yet once again, *other* people describe hell as being quite a nice place except for the fact that you'll never get to see God.

I think the D/S folks reading this can understand that sort of hell. Never being able to contact your Beloved Master again. <shudder>

Strange to see government, religion, parenting, and maybe even marriages all coming down to something so "simple".

Comments

[griffen.livejournal.com]

if what you are doing or how you are living can't survive the knowledge that there's another way, then it's not a very good reflection on *you*. Or on your way of life.

Sig file! May I quote this?

We need to find a way to paraphrase it into button format.....

[kengr]

Sure.

As for buttons, you just need a really *big* button. :-)

[seearra.livejournal.com]

I've always found it easier to be inclusive than exclusive. Having friends from a variety of backgrounds, age groups, religions, and sexual preferences means that I don't feel alone. Since it's alright for my friends to be the way they are, they find it easier to accept me for who I am. This also means less explanations and less miscommunication.

It works. Honest.

[ebonhost.livejournal.com]

Good food for thought. Especially considering how my mother is about simply ignoring anything that doesn't fit into her worldview. I, at least, was raised to be open-minded. And now she regrets that she raised me to be that way, I guess. *chuckles* I can accept that there is many different ways of looking at things.

And I definitely understand the thought of freely submitting yourself out of nothing more than love. What is there in that other than beauty?

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

Oddly enough, you'll find that some branches of Christianity have essentially that idea buried in their theology. You aren't supposed to obey the rules God has set because you are afraid of being punished. You are to do so because you love God and freely give up your will on these things.

I suspect that some branches of Islam may have similar ideas, since Islam is *explicitly* described as "submission to Allah" in some texts.

It's the "supposed to" part that spoils the analogy for me. That's a guilt trip, which makes it more like abuse than like consensual BDSM.

[kengr]

It's no more (or less) of a guilt trip than the rules a dom sets that a sub is "supposed to" obey.

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

I think it's different. Christianity and Islam hold that because of the very nature of God and/or because of God's status as creator, human beings have a moral duty to submit to him. I have as little patience with that as I have with doms who conform to the Domly Dom stereotype (people who think and act like the mere fact of being doms entitles them to submission).