Odd thought...

[kengr]

On a mailing list someone made this comment:

"Someday, the Special People will come and take me away from this miserable home and all the people who hate me because they don't understand me" is one of the most basic, and least-examined, tropes of young adult fantasy and SF (with its roots in ancient myths and faerie tales about changelings and demigods).

It occurs to me in spite of having good reason to want out, I never really fantasized much about that sort of thing. I did escape into books, but I never really saw *me* doing that sort of thing until long after I was on my own.

And I'm wondering if part of the reason for that is that part of the abuse from my mom consisted of making me think that nobody else would *want* me.

I know there are other abuse survivors reading my journal. Does that fit any of you? Or is this just unique to me?

Comments

[apel.livejournal.com]

That somebody else would come and take me away never even entered my mind. My experience with adults had shown me that they were foolish and powerless creatures whose only talent was destroying or being destroyed. That there would be some sort of special class of adults who were actually effective and could rescue me, didn't seem very realistic. I scoffed at such ideas.

I did however dream of killing my step father. At the time that seemed like a much more realistic way of ending my problems. Needless to say, I'm very, very glad I never tried.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

I don't remember thinking I'd be taken away from my parents, but that's because I only had one abusive parent -- my mom. I knew my dad loved me.

Although I often wondered if he'd married her *after* having me, and if I had a Real Mother out there somewhere.....

[netdancer.livejournal.com]

Around age 9 I started searching for the Gates, for the thin places in the Wall between worlds.

I wanted to go home. I can remember searching and searching and crying in bitter, lonely frustration because my real people didn't want me.

The Doors remained closed.

Part of my adult work is to find the keys regardless of the cost, so that no misplaced child ever has to wander testing Gates.

[kengr]

As I got older and realized just how arbitrary mom was being, I wished I had a father. If only because then there'd be an adult I could appeal her decisions to.

Oddly, I never went thru the "I must be adoppted" stage. And when I finally learned that I was (by overhearing my mom talking to someone about something and he said "Oh, I thought only one of your sons was adopted"), it wasn't that big a deal.

[kengr]

I once told a therapist about how bad things were at home. And that was *not* easy to do, as I didn't trust much of anybody then or for *many* years afterwards.

But since I was well into my teens at the time, I also told him that while I wanted out badly, I didn't want him to try to get me out unless he was sure he could. Because I didn't want to deal with the way thinhgs would be if the attempt *failed*.

Bad enough living with mom then (and worse later). but living with her once she *knew* I wanted out and considered her unfit? Not something to even *think* about too hard.