Minor miracle

So I decided to dig out the Christmas stuff.

That being an 18" plastic tree (with neat fiber optic "lights"). As expected, it lit up fine.

Then I dug out the string of lights that I hadn't used for a couple of years. Took a few minutes to untangle them. Then I plugged them in to start checking for loose bulbs...

And the entire string lit up!!!

I doin't object to "freaky good luck". Just wish it'd been a winning lottery ticket or something. :-)

Don't try this at home

"Holiday" Fruitcake Recipe
Items Needed:
-------------
4 Oz. Fruit Bits
1 Railroad Tie
Wood Saw
Large Rubber Mallet
Safety Goggles

WEAR YOUR SAFETY GOGGLES.
(Children: Get help from an adult!)

Cut a one-foot section from the middle of your railroad tie.
The resulting block of wood should be the size and shape of a loaf of bread.
Then, take some fruit bits and pound them into the block with your rubber mallet.
Spread the colors around, or you might wind up with an ugly fruitcake.
Don't be afraid to throw some elbow grease into that mallet!
Good fruit bits should be much harder than the railroad tie, so you can't break anything.
For best result, you should pre-treat the fruit bits by setting them on top of your garage for a year (or by microwaving them on HIGH for 30 minutes).
Finally, cover it tightly in plastic wrap, and give your not-so-loved ones the timeless and enduring gift of fruitcake!

bad joke

From email.

Joe and Tom were out walking home from work one afternoon.

"Darn," Joe said, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip the wife's
panties off!"

"What's the rush?" Tom asked.

Joe replied "The damn elastic in the legs is killing me!"