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kengrTHE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF COMBAT by Charric Van der Vleet
1. Beware the feint that lurketh in an opponent's arm, lest it cause you to be bounced upon thy buttocks in a most ungentlemanly manner.
2. Cause thou the helmet which protects thy pate to be of solid construction, so thy days may be long in this vale of tears.
3. Prove to thyself that thy wooden shield is enrimmed to a goodly thickness, lest flying splinters dim thy vision evermore.
4. Take care thou useth the proper method and taketh the measure of thy opponent's blows, so that thou dost not receive any buffet from which you cannot, in time, recover.
5. Tarry not with those who engage in horseplay with live steel, for they are unbelievers, and are surely not long for this world.
6. Take care thou strikest not below the knee, for this will incur the wrath of the opponent, and bring the fury of the Marshall down about thy head and shoulders.
7. Fight not without a kidney pad, for if thou dost fight without, thy buddies will surely be buying beers for thy widow, and consoling her in ways not generally acceptable to thee.
8. Verily, verily, I say unto thee, never stand long in the sun in thine armor, for solar cooking is a slow process, and thou, fainting, might sizzle in thine own fat for hours on end before thy Maker sees fit to drag you into His fold.
9. Fight not without a groin cup, lest thy Lady be frustrated nightly, and have no further use for thee except thy wage.
10. Commit thou to memory the works of the prophets, which are written in the instruction books, which giveth the straight dope, and which consoleth thee, and thou cannot make mistakes, sometimes, maybe.
-finis-
1. Beware the feint that lurketh in an opponent's arm, lest it cause you to be bounced upon thy buttocks in a most ungentlemanly manner.
2. Cause thou the helmet which protects thy pate to be of solid construction, so thy days may be long in this vale of tears.
3. Prove to thyself that thy wooden shield is enrimmed to a goodly thickness, lest flying splinters dim thy vision evermore.
4. Take care thou useth the proper method and taketh the measure of thy opponent's blows, so that thou dost not receive any buffet from which you cannot, in time, recover.
5. Tarry not with those who engage in horseplay with live steel, for they are unbelievers, and are surely not long for this world.
6. Take care thou strikest not below the knee, for this will incur the wrath of the opponent, and bring the fury of the Marshall down about thy head and shoulders.
7. Fight not without a kidney pad, for if thou dost fight without, thy buddies will surely be buying beers for thy widow, and consoling her in ways not generally acceptable to thee.
8. Verily, verily, I say unto thee, never stand long in the sun in thine armor, for solar cooking is a slow process, and thou, fainting, might sizzle in thine own fat for hours on end before thy Maker sees fit to drag you into His fold.
9. Fight not without a groin cup, lest thy Lady be frustrated nightly, and have no further use for thee except thy wage.
10. Commit thou to memory the works of the prophets, which are written in the instruction books, which giveth the straight dope, and which consoleth thee, and thou cannot make mistakes, sometimes, maybe.
-finis-
