useful insight
Dec. 12th, 2020 12:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kengrI was thinking about kids playing and the "game" of "keep away" came to mind.
That's where someone snatches something of someone else's and a group of kids "keep it away" from the owner. Can be harmless fun.
But usually it *isn't*. Because they'l grab it from some kid who isn't big enough to make them give it back nor fast enough to catch one of them before they toss it to someone else.
and the insight I had was that someone should stop the kids and point out that *they* may be having fun but the kid the item belongs to *isn't*. If he had a reasonable chance, then it *might* still be considered play. but as he doesn't it's turned into bullying.
After more thought, I realized this principle is *far* more widely applicable and applies to much of what is wrong with the world.
"You" (generic) may be having fun but the people you are "playing" with aren't. And that's usually because they don't have a reasonable chance against you.
This applies to various forms of harassment, power games and so on.
If we could just teach *kids* that it's *wrong* to be having "fun" at the expense of others who no longer find it remotely "fun" (if they ever did) just think what things might be like if they carried the new attitude over to when they are adults.
BTW, note how the justifications for a lot of bullying by kids amounts to "but they are just having fun". Or the more subtle "it encourages them to be stronger/faster/tougher".
The first is directly addressed by "the other kid(s) *aren't* having fun"
The second is likely best addressed by "it only 'helps' them if there's a *reasonable* chance for them to 'win'. If there isn't, it just rubs their noses in their shortcomings."
Again, consider how this carries over to adult behavior and often gets "justified" by "we went thru it, so should they" bit
That's where someone snatches something of someone else's and a group of kids "keep it away" from the owner. Can be harmless fun.
But usually it *isn't*. Because they'l grab it from some kid who isn't big enough to make them give it back nor fast enough to catch one of them before they toss it to someone else.
and the insight I had was that someone should stop the kids and point out that *they* may be having fun but the kid the item belongs to *isn't*. If he had a reasonable chance, then it *might* still be considered play. but as he doesn't it's turned into bullying.
After more thought, I realized this principle is *far* more widely applicable and applies to much of what is wrong with the world.
"You" (generic) may be having fun but the people you are "playing" with aren't. And that's usually because they don't have a reasonable chance against you.
This applies to various forms of harassment, power games and so on.
If we could just teach *kids* that it's *wrong* to be having "fun" at the expense of others who no longer find it remotely "fun" (if they ever did) just think what things might be like if they carried the new attitude over to when they are adults.
BTW, note how the justifications for a lot of bullying by kids amounts to "but they are just having fun". Or the more subtle "it encourages them to be stronger/faster/tougher".
The first is directly addressed by "the other kid(s) *aren't* having fun"
The second is likely best addressed by "it only 'helps' them if there's a *reasonable* chance for them to 'win'. If there isn't, it just rubs their noses in their shortcomings."
Again, consider how this carries over to adult behavior and often gets "justified" by "we went thru it, so should they" bit
no subject
Date: 2020-12-12 09:22 pm (UTC)Ever hear of the game of 'british bulldogs'? The principle is very simple. You have one kid, at the start, and everyone else has to rush past them to get to 'home' or base.
It's massively unfair, usually because the kid chosen at the start is the weakest, least athletic. however it has a wrinkle. The bulldog can catch someone by holding on to them until they're the last one. Then they are out.. but they join the bulldog, and now you have two.
Most kids learn that no matter how strong or fast you are, in the end numbers win. In fact, the usual tipping point is when three or more bulldogs take down the biggest, fastest kid.
The game is banned now in most schools, the adults said it was too rough and there was risk of people getting hurt, after a bunch of parents complained all the way to the top...usually wealthy middle-class or above parents of kids who complained that they kept losing to 'gangs'.
Kids don't usually listen to explanations, however they do learn by example and by doing.
Yeah, keep away is unfair, and telling the kids that or stopping them playing might not be the best thing to. Perhaps it would be better to give them games that are fair, or can be played in a way to make it fair. Like, one or more kids cooperating to take down the bully playing keep-away and get whatever it is back.
Who knows, maybe the bullies will find out that being on the receiving end of the 'fun' isn't fun at all. Thus, hopefully, learning an important lesson.
Not that I hold out much hope for that, society seems to be going in the opposite direction of banning 'dangerous' games, teaching the kids that 'he who has the best lawyers wins'.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-12 09:23 pm (UTC)IME, they know that. That's what makes it fun for them - the fact that the person they stole the item from isn't playing.
(If everybody is playing, I called that "monkey in the middle". That's got rules, though.)