kengr

Just remembered part of dream from a nap earlier.

I was trying to get some small parts back into place on some things that had gotten messed up by folks bumping into them. But they were getting in the way and I was getting really upset.

The thing that prompted this post was what happened when I tried yelling at them. I was yelling but at best a whisper was coming out. Which just got me more upset and frustrated because I couldn't *tell* these people to get out of the way or why they should.

What prompted my posting this was that I now recall having had that same sort of "need to talk/yell and can't" thing in other dreams in the past.

Anyway, *gee* I can't *imagine* what sort of symbolism *that* is supposed to be... (heavy sarcasm).

After reading an entry in tallin's LJ (here) I pointed it out to griffen and suggested that he should try it. Discussion ensued. And that led to some thoughts I'm going to share.

Many people get *very* upset about "labelling" people. I can understand why. The LJ entry I point to above has lots of bad examples.

But labelling *is* useful. It saves time. The trick is that you have to remember that people only "sort of" fit the group characteristics. And when it's group that you don't get to pick (white, male, etc) the fit can be almost non-existent.

But as I told Griffen, it can be useful to look at what you think of when you here "so-and-so is X" when you are also X. And then consider how you *differ* from that image.

Then look at the way the general public would think upon hearing that. And you may pick up a few things worth trying when educating people about the group in question.

Still, I maintain that labels have their place. "She's blonde" will help someone recognize a person. And (if they have brains) suggest that blonde jokes *might* not be a good idea, at least not until you know them better (I've had blonde friends who *collected* blonde jokes!).

"He's gay" suggests that trying to set that person up as a date for your sister probably won't go over well (on the other hand, if you've got a *brother*...). But he's *not* necessarily going to like show tunes or have great fashion sense. :-)

And so on. Stereotypes and labels *can* supply useful information. But you have to realize that the map is not the territory. and that it may be *very* inaccurate.

Reading griffen's recent entries made me look at some of my "stuff" a bit harder. A few thoughts follow.

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Just some random thoughts. No need to make your answers public. Just think about them.

Do you have a sense of what the "right" way to act is? What the right thing to do is? How people should treat each other?

Do you fail to live up to it?

When you fail to live up to it do you beat up on yourself?

Should you?

Really? Why? Would you be as hard on someone else?

Last night when I was talking to Lin, we were discussing trying to get the three of us (me, her, and her husband, Kermit) together to try out Chez Geek. (Yes, Griffen, it's all your fault! :-)

She pointed out that there weren't a lot of places to sit in my apartment (true). I jokingly pointed out that we'd need a clear tabletop to play.

Alas, I had stepped on a land mine.

I hadn't realized that the fact that her place is pretty messy bothered her. She'd prefer that it be much neater, but her fibro and her sometimes there sometimes not vision don't let her keep it as clean as she'd like.

So she blew up at me. She let me know in no uncertain terms that she was very hurt by that comment. I tried to apologize, but didn't do a very good job.

I worried about it on and off until I finally called her this evening. She was on the phone with a friend so she was pretty brief. She told me she was feeling better, but had to get back to the other call.

For some reason, that tripped things. After I hung up, I started crying. I was pretty upset, and (as those of you who know about my situation growing up could guess) I was afraid that she was going to be mad at me for that "forever".

She called me a while later. And she apologized to me for reacting so badly.

<shock>

I was still a bit "odd" from the tears and worrying, and I guess she could tell from the way I sounded (and the fact that I wasn't saying much).

I tried to explain that I don't deal well with situations where I have "screwed up". Which is true. I don't expect to be forgiven, I expect to have my face rubbed in it again and again. :-(

So she shocked me again by repeating the apology and saying she was forgetting the matter "It never happened" (not the words she used, but the basic idea).

Ok. That's nice. It's just not a reaction I'm at all used to. I guess it's good. But I'm still a bit discombobulated by things not taking the course I "expect".

<sigh>

Someday I may learn to be "normal".

One of sailor Jim's posts over on alt.callahan's was "complaining" about the "rules" for the bride and groom on their wedding night.

I laughed. Then the "none of my wives" in there jumped out at me. And it occured to me that here was someone not much older than me who has had more wives than I've had girlfriends.

It doesn't exactly hurt, but it does make me sad. (Well, ok, "rueful" might be better, but there's no mood icon for that! :-)