kengr

I already have control against action mastered. I am a master at stopping myself from doing or saying something I shouldn't. Too much of a master, in fact. Sometimes I have a hard time saying things I want to because the Filter won't let me.

I got that way as a survival measure. I think the defining moment was when mom was yelling at me about something and I accidentally said what I was thinking. And got slapped for it. Hard.

I've developed the ability to force stuff out past the filters but it isn't easy, and it requires forcing my emotions (the "if you let it out they'll hurt you badly" feelings) down inside which I know means I;ll pay for it later when they resurface, stronger.

But if I only push them down enough to force out the words (rather than to try to look like nothing is wrong) it's not too bad.