Greetings from Goober Gizzardbreath!

Something from alt.callahans...

Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness
to break up the day. Here is your dose...

Follow the instructions to find your new name. The following is an
excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous
Plot of
Professor Poopypants", by Dave Pilkey:

The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name

a =poopsie, b =lumpy, c =buttercup, d =gidget,
e =crusty, > > f =greasy, g =fluffy, h =cheeseball,
i =chim-chim, j =stinky, k =flunky, l =booger,
m =zippy, n =pinky, o =goober, p =doofus, q =slimy,
r =loopy, s =snotty, t =tulefel, u =dorkey, v =squeezit,
w =oprah, x =skipper, y =dinky, z =zsa-zsa.

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of
your New last name:

a = cootie, b = toilet, c = giggle, d = burger, e = girdle,
f = barf, g = lizard, h = waffle, i = diaper, j = monkey,
k = potty, l = liver, m = banana, n = rhino, o = bubble,
p = hamster, q = toad, r = gizzard, s = pizza, t = gerbil,
u = chicken, v = pickle, w = chuckle, x = tofu,
y = gorilla, z = stinker.

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of
your New last name:

a = head, b = mouth, c =face, d = nose, e = tush,
f = breath, g = shorts, h = pants, i = lips, j = honker,
k = butt, l = brain, m=tushie, n = chunks, o = hiney,
p = biscuits, q = toes, r = buns, s = fanny, t = sniffer,
u = sprinkles,v = kisser, w = squirt, x = humperdinck,
y = brains, z = juice.

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts;
Bill Clinton's name is Booger Liverchunks.