Social skills, yeah right

[kengr]

reading and responding to some stuff in griffen's LJ reminded me of one of the things I *loathed* at my various jobs over the years.

People expecting "social" interactions with coworkers. People expecting you to discuss whatever they wanted to discuss, often about stuff you'd done away from work, and pressing for details when you try to brush them off.

And, you know damn well that "It's none of your damn business" as a response will put *you* in the wrong.

And if you are "different" even the "standard" social chit-chat openings will lead to trouble.

"What church do you go to?"
"I don't".
"I'm pagan"
"I'm a witch"

"What'd you do over the weekend?"
"I went to a dungeon party and got a wonderful beating."
"My boyfriend flew up and we went to a convention." (male person saying this)

Care to guess what sort of reactions your typical cow-orker would have to those?

Heck, answering the second one with "I went to a science fiction convention" is apt to lead to a discussion that anyone who attends cons is heartily sick of.

What the hell is it with the "coworkers are friends" idea anyway?

We aren't. We shouldn't be *expected* to interact other than on job-related stuff except on the same level as random strangers meeting on the street.

Yes, I know a lot of people *do* make friends with co-workers. That's nice. I've even done it. But it ought to be acceptable for me to *not* want folks trying to "make friends" with me.

Comments

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

I've found that a good alternative to "None of your business" is "That information is classified on a need-to-know basis." Said with a smile, in a joking tone of voice, it usually gets the point across. And if they continue to press after that, then they will be perceived as being rude.

"I'm not religious" isn't the best possible answer either, but will get you in less trouble (generally) than any of the others. Further comments are usually well-stifled by "That's how I was raised", because then any criticism can be construed as criticism of your parents -- and the kind of person who asks where you attend church has usually been heavily indoctrinated with the notion that you do NOT criticize someone's parents to their face.

I've had some co-workers with whom I was willing to socialize outside the office -- but damned few, and those rarely. I agree that "friendship" should not be an expectation in the workplace.

[kengr]

My first thought on the "classified" type response is not a wise one these days. Even if said with a smile "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" just trips too many warning bells these days.

I've only run into a few of the "church" type questions, but they are always from the sort of person who wishes to inflict their religion (and other personal life details) on everyone around them.

I don't have a problem with folks who've accepted Jesus into their life. I just wish there weren't so many of them that have to be sure everyone around them knows it.

BTW, for various reasons I *really* prefer not to lie to people about stuff like this. But that leaves me in a real bind since I don't deal well with confrontation.

Alas, I've run into a few people who won't accept a brush-off answer. Which leaves me getting more and more anxious and risking an explosion at them. If I'm lucky, it'll be "Just leave me alone!!!". If not things could get ugly.