Social skills, yeah right

[kengr]

reading and responding to some stuff in griffen's LJ reminded me of one of the things I *loathed* at my various jobs over the years.

People expecting "social" interactions with coworkers. People expecting you to discuss whatever they wanted to discuss, often about stuff you'd done away from work, and pressing for details when you try to brush them off.

And, you know damn well that "It's none of your damn business" as a response will put *you* in the wrong.

And if you are "different" even the "standard" social chit-chat openings will lead to trouble.

"What church do you go to?"
"I don't".
"I'm pagan"
"I'm a witch"

"What'd you do over the weekend?"
"I went to a dungeon party and got a wonderful beating."
"My boyfriend flew up and we went to a convention." (male person saying this)

Care to guess what sort of reactions your typical cow-orker would have to those?

Heck, answering the second one with "I went to a science fiction convention" is apt to lead to a discussion that anyone who attends cons is heartily sick of.

What the hell is it with the "coworkers are friends" idea anyway?

We aren't. We shouldn't be *expected* to interact other than on job-related stuff except on the same level as random strangers meeting on the street.

Yes, I know a lot of people *do* make friends with co-workers. That's nice. I've even done it. But it ought to be acceptable for me to *not* want folks trying to "make friends" with me.

Comments

[iamjw.livejournal.com]

I usually fall back on "Just hanging out with friends. Quiet, really." which is very often the truth, but does nicely even when it isn't.

Of course, I also take delight in occasionally saying what I really think, which has me pretty much pegged as the staff whacko, which is also fine.

I don't discuss my relationship life with general co-workers. Or anyone else who's not a close friend. Ain't nobody's business.

[mz-serendipity.livejournal.com]

Oh I can totally relate to this. What I hate most is the women who try to chit chat with me in the Employee Bathroom. I mean jeez! I am just there to pee not make conversation!

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

I've found that a good alternative to "None of your business" is "That information is classified on a need-to-know basis." Said with a smile, in a joking tone of voice, it usually gets the point across. And if they continue to press after that, then they will be perceived as being rude.

"I'm not religious" isn't the best possible answer either, but will get you in less trouble (generally) than any of the others. Further comments are usually well-stifled by "That's how I was raised", because then any criticism can be construed as criticism of your parents -- and the kind of person who asks where you attend church has usually been heavily indoctrinated with the notion that you do NOT criticize someone's parents to their face.

I've had some co-workers with whom I was willing to socialize outside the office -- but damned few, and those rarely. I agree that "friendship" should not be an expectation in the workplace.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

I had to go to stupid "sales rallies" (I wasn't on the sales force), "holiday parties" (I didn't want to celebrate holidays with my cow-orkers), long "business lunches" which accomplished nothing, and other such nonsense.

I hated it. I won't do it again, political environment of the workplace or no. and I will make that a condition of my continued employment: that I not be required to "socialize" with people. Period.

I'm the opposite of many of you, apparently...

[seawasp]

I take positive JOY in being asked the questions that allow me to bring attention to the wierd and alien living in their midst. I socialize when and how I feel like it, and if I feel like isolating myself, placing the headphones on and turning your back on the world works pretty well.