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griffen's recent entries made me look at some of my "stuff" a bit harder. A few thoughts follow.
I think I have the *opposite* problem ofgriffen in a few ways.
He doesn't see the difference between a lot of emotions. I not only see the difference, I see enough differences (especially in my own) that I'm not sure what word to use. Or if any *fit*.
I seem to see a lot more subtleties in things than most other people do. Some of that may be due to my history of abuse. I had to pay attention to "minor" details as warning signals.
I know the social cues are there, I just don't know how to read them. Or make that I can see the cue, I just don't know what that cue *means* with a given person until I've had a *lot* of close exposure to them.
Hmm. I may suffer from my own "lack of ability to generalize" here. From seeing too many details and missing the overall picture?
Then again, I don't get "hints" sometimes, so that argues against my seeing so many details *there*.
I'm definitely of the "if there's a problem, please *tell me*. and don't assume it's a deliberate failing on my part. " school.
I sometimes think the best way to explain me is as some "alien" who is trying to "pass" in a culture he only has sketchy knowledge of.
Maybe it's just "poor socialization" when I was growing up (and later)?
In any case, given that I'm "overly sensitive" to negative emotions (or even the *potential* for such, I can't watch most sitcoms because I can see the "horribly embarrassing" incident coming and it *hurts* to watch someone walking into it) I'm *way* cautious in dealing with "new" folks".
I can be friendly to a point. Beyond that, *they* have to make the moves. I can follow up, but initiating a move that risks embarrassment or a putdown is way too scary.
On the other hand, I can be far more open online. I've had far more experience dealing with various types of people online. And I can't see them nor can they see me. Which eliminates a lot of problems having to due with body language.
griffen's recent entries made me look at some of my "stuff" a bit harder. A few thoughts follow.I think I have the *opposite* problem of
griffen in a few ways. He doesn't see the difference between a lot of emotions. I not only see the difference, I see enough differences (especially in my own) that I'm not sure what word to use. Or if any *fit*.
I seem to see a lot more subtleties in things than most other people do. Some of that may be due to my history of abuse. I had to pay attention to "minor" details as warning signals.
I know the social cues are there, I just don't know how to read them. Or make that I can see the cue, I just don't know what that cue *means* with a given person until I've had a *lot* of close exposure to them.
Hmm. I may suffer from my own "lack of ability to generalize" here. From seeing too many details and missing the overall picture?
Then again, I don't get "hints" sometimes, so that argues against my seeing so many details *there*.
I'm definitely of the "if there's a problem, please *tell me*. and don't assume it's a deliberate failing on my part. " school.
I sometimes think the best way to explain me is as some "alien" who is trying to "pass" in a culture he only has sketchy knowledge of.
Maybe it's just "poor socialization" when I was growing up (and later)?
In any case, given that I'm "overly sensitive" to negative emotions (or even the *potential* for such, I can't watch most sitcoms because I can see the "horribly embarrassing" incident coming and it *hurts* to watch someone walking into it) I'm *way* cautious in dealing with "new" folks".
I can be friendly to a point. Beyond that, *they* have to make the moves. I can follow up, but initiating a move that risks embarrassment or a putdown is way too scary.
On the other hand, I can be far more open online. I've had far more experience dealing with various types of people online. And I can't see them nor can they see me. Which eliminates a lot of problems having to due with body language.