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Bullying
Over on Facebook a friend shared a post that used this image:
A lot of folks agreed. But a lot disagreed, saying that it amounted to victim blaming.
My comments (plus more I didn't have room for)
The big problem with this sentiment is that it doesn't *work*. Attempting to defend myself from bullies in grade school got me in trouble with the teachers *and* with my mom when I got home. I was pyhsically incapable of outrunning the bullies. And even if I'd known some sort of self-defense 3 on one odds aren't beatable unless you are very good (or using tactics that would get you in *real* trouble.
Two memes that need to die:
"sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can never hurt me"
Words can cause more lasting damage than a physical beating.
"it takes two to make a fight"
Guess what, if the bully wants a fight all refusing to fight will get you is a beating.
Being taught something about self-defense is good. But it can only help so much. And as noted, it's victim blaming.
Teachers need to quit with the "both parties are equally guilty" with regards to fights. They also need to be *paying attention* during recess so that it *isn't* a case of "we didn't see it so we can't take anyone's word about who started it".
They need to scrap the "I don't care what he said/did that's no justification for hitting him" And remember that what was said/done may not have been the proximate cause, but rather the most recent in an ongoing series of abuses that finally became intolerable.
Yeah, taking your eraser or calling you a name should be a reason to hit him. But if he's been doing that sort of thing several times a day for *weeks*? That's a very different story.
Oh yeah, forbid "keep away". It's not a game for the victim.
One person posted this picture in reponse:
It's better but it still has the "bullying will always be with us" idea. That may be true, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to reduce it as much as possible.
A lot of folks agreed. But a lot disagreed, saying that it amounted to victim blaming.
My comments (plus more I didn't have room for)
The big problem with this sentiment is that it doesn't *work*. Attempting to defend myself from bullies in grade school got me in trouble with the teachers *and* with my mom when I got home. I was pyhsically incapable of outrunning the bullies. And even if I'd known some sort of self-defense 3 on one odds aren't beatable unless you are very good (or using tactics that would get you in *real* trouble.
Two memes that need to die:
"sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can never hurt me"
Words can cause more lasting damage than a physical beating.
"it takes two to make a fight"
Guess what, if the bully wants a fight all refusing to fight will get you is a beating.
Being taught something about self-defense is good. But it can only help so much. And as noted, it's victim blaming.
Teachers need to quit with the "both parties are equally guilty" with regards to fights. They also need to be *paying attention* during recess so that it *isn't* a case of "we didn't see it so we can't take anyone's word about who started it".
They need to scrap the "I don't care what he said/did that's no justification for hitting him" And remember that what was said/done may not have been the proximate cause, but rather the most recent in an ongoing series of abuses that finally became intolerable.
Yeah, taking your eraser or calling you a name should be a reason to hit him. But if he's been doing that sort of thing several times a day for *weeks*? That's a very different story.
Oh yeah, forbid "keep away". It's not a game for the victim.
One person posted this picture in reponse:
It's better but it still has the "bullying will always be with us" idea. That may be true, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to reduce it as much as possible.
no subject
no subject
Punishing kids for breaking rules they were never told about is not going to do anything good. Likewise, just because A is an "obvious" corollary to rule B *to you* doesn't mean it's obvious to the kid. Yeah, some kids *do* do that the try to escape punishment. But others really *are* that clueless.
So if the kid didn't know, some slack should be allowed. *once*.
The other biggie when dealing with kids is that they do stupid things.
Lack of judgment should be *expected* of kids. Judgment is based on experience (which kids lack *by definition*) and because those parts of the brain don't finish developing until the early 20s.
So whatever is done for stupid things should be set up to show them *why* it was stupid.
Thus kids shouldn't necessarily be held to the same standards as adults. But if it's something adults wouldn't be allowed to do, we *really* need to consider whether kids should be allowed to do it.
And adults encouraging kids to misbehave need to be dealt with. Encouraging their kids to bully, or trying to make sports more important than anything else, they need to be dealt with.